I Give Up (Temporarily)…I’m Trying Yoga

Flexible, But Would Finish In Last Place!

I’ve been going at this exercise stuff for forty years now, and have been successful in avoiding yoga…in fact, avoiding almost any form of meaningful stretching. 

Rather than exalting in the flexibility part of the ‘endurance, strength, flexibility’ fitness equation, I’ve scorned it.

After all, some of my most flexible teammates were also the slowest.

I reasoned that their flexibility was slowing them down. Surely, wouldn’t my short, hyper-responsive muscles be better able to ‘fire’ quickly and powerfully?  Who wants  slow, floppy muscles when you’re intent on beating your opponent into submission?

But now my tight muscles appear to have beaten me into submission.  Notice that I say ‘appear to have’.  I’m still not willing to admit ultimate defeat yet…only a temporary setback.

I have, however, resigned myself to having lost the latest battle (result…too much pain and too many injuries).

The indignity of doing a yoga routine is now part of my near-daily protocol.  I do the poses at home, not wanting to expose my sensitivities to the  hippy clothes, mellow-music CD’s, or the patchouli-laden air of a formal yoga class.

But there are a couple of poses that I reluctantly have to admit have been helping loosen up my hinie region (urban slang for butt).

Without further adieu, I present the Half Pigeon Pose

And here’s the Tortoise Pose, complete with all of the relaxing music and images that keep a meat-eater away from yoga classes.

Lastly, I reluctantly admit to finding myself drawn to the Seated Gluteal Stretch.

I like this video because the guy looks as tight as a runner should be…indicating that he probably won’t finish last in his next 10K.

Just for toots and giggles, I now present the type of behavior that gives yoga a bad name.

If this doesn’t make the predator in you want to administer a healthy ‘head slap’, nothing will.

Until next time…keep gnawing on the jerky and gulping those Pepsi’s, lest you find yourself next to the guy in this last video.

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