When Bike Shorts Went Modern, Sheep Relaxed!

Not only were old bike shorts made of wool, they also used sheep skin for the chamois. I suspect the local sheep herd didn’t like losing their locks for the wool. But it was the sheep skin chamois that they really balked at. Sometime within our lifetime modern bike shorts replaced old wool cycling shorts with space age materials.

Besides having a little fun, this page will cover everything you need to know about biking shorts comfort and function.

One of my riding buddies was recalling the bad old days of wool bike shorts. He remembered that it was critical to wash them in cold water if you ever wanted to squeeze into them again. Even so, after a series of washings they crept up higher and higher, squeezing the life out of your legs. Wash your wool bike shorts too many times and you’d be wearing a rather fuzzy pair of Speedos.

Beware of washing wool shorts in hot water.

So what improvements do we now enjoy ?

An Upgrade In Materials

The most obvious change is also the most revealing. In fact it is the revealing nature of the stretchy material known as spandex that makes beginner cyclists most nervous. Lycra is the most common brand of spandex.

Usually these stretchy materials are made in either six ounce or eight ounce. FYI the former weighs six ounces per square yard. The latter is rumored to weigh in at eight ounces per yard.

There isn’t a dramatic difference in the two weights. The eight ounce costs more and grips the cyclist’s massive quads a bit tighter. Nudists reluctantly prefer the six ounce and are known to ask if bike shorts are ever made in one ounce spandex.

Six Panel vs. Eight Panel Shorts

Since early cycling shorts were made of inflexible materials it was useful to sew them up using a lot of panels. Doing it this way allowed the bike shorts to conform more closely to the cyclist’s chiseled hind quarters.

Using eight panels made for a more form-fitting pair of bike shorts.

Trying to cut down on the seamstress bill by using six panels resulted in a less expensive but lower quality pair of shorts. HOWEVER...now that we’re wearing materials that could even stretch around E. Norma Butt’s gluteals, the number of panels isn’t nearly as important. That being said, eight panel designs are used in the higher quality products.

So What's The Pricing On These Babies?

This gets us to the issue of price. It’s really quite simple and very complicated at the same time. You see, if your $150 bike shorts last for six seasons and your $30 shorts last for one season your expensive pair is really more economical than the cheap pair. It’s really very simple. However it’s also extremely complex at the same time. Why?

Because none of the experts can tell you if the expensive bike shorts will really last six times longer, consumers suspect that the advice givers are blowing smoke out their tailpipe. And that’s not good for the chamois in their shorts.

One way to get a headstart on the issue of value is to start out low. A good place to look is BikeNashbar . They're always featuring some pretty good deals. I just looked again and there are several pairs of shorts for 50% off and one for 70% off.

Leg Lengths and 'Style'

Leg lengths go up and leg lengths go down. Long leg lengths give you a ‘cyclist’s tan’. After wearing long cycling shorts you run the risk of public ridicule at the beach while wearing a swim suit. Your tan line is exposed and the humiliation may cause you to shrink from engaging in meaningful public contact. There is nothing quite as pathetic as an isolated cyclist at the beach. And then there is the bigger issue of permanent psychological scarring!

Actually as long as your shorts aren’t so short that your leg skin isn’t rubbing on your saddle you have my permission to choose your own length.

Waist Length, Waist Bands, and Leg Grippers

Don’t forget that biking shorts are designed for function, not style. Therefore they don’t work well when you’re standing up straight in the Bike store trying them on. The waist is cut to be high in the back and low in the front. Consider them to be the ultimate statement against Plumber’s Crack.

But bend over into the cycling position, and presto! They fit like a glove.

Waist bands should be wider than a guitar string so that they don’t cut into your sensitive abdomen (gut). I have a pair of Hind shorts that have a draw string that appears to be a problem, but the clever guys at Hind made it to be stretchy so its A-OK.

Leg Grippers are a rubber type material that keep the legs from riding up. A couple of the cheap pairs that I bought about ten years ago (now that’s value) have thin leg grippers that are uncomfortable enough to cause me to turn the end of the leg inside out. Now that I’m a hotshot, my premium priced biking shorts have comfortably wide leg grippers. You can tell about leg grippers after you’ve ridden enough miles to eliminate the possibility of returning the shorts for a refund.

What About Those Funky Bib Shorts?

Bib shorts keep the crotch liner snug up against the crotch. They also cost more and make it difficult to urinate while riding. Well actually not exactly while riding, but more accurately when taking a break during a ride. Both non-bib shorts and bib shorts perform equally well with regard to urinating while riding.

And Now For The Most Important Issue of All....

That All Important Chamois Insert

It could be argued that the entire function of the bike short is to house the crotch liner and to keep the liner successfully aligned between the saddle and the unseemly parts. While the choice of materials in the past was the skin of a sheep, things have changed. Modern materials don’t dry out, crack and generally cause as many problems as they solve.

The modern chamois is designed to cover any inside seams in the biking short. Additionally, look at the shape of the liner’s cut. Does the cutout arc seem to match the cross section of your powerful quadricep? Thick linings may not be the most comfortable because there isn’t a whole lot of extra space down there for unnecessary material.

Beware of non-breathable inserts like gel pads. If they don’t breath (well, no one can really claim that the crotch actually inhales and exhales) moisture will build up and result in irritation much like a diaper rash.

Which reminds me. My wife keeps telling me that when I walk around in bike shorts it looks like there is a diaper sticking out the back. I just reply...“Depends“.

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